1. Don’t focus on having deep and meaningful conversations
When a guy is trying to make up with his girlfriend after a break up, he might be tempted to get her into a deep, detailed conversation about what went wrong.
Yet, in most cases, that’s the worst approach to take because it stresses a woman out and makes her close up even more.
I said, “in most cases” because sometimes it is a good idea.
When it’s a good idea is when the woman is still attracted and in love with her boyfriend, but has broken up with him after a fight they had.
At that point, it’s fine to discuss things and go deep.
Yet, if your girlfriend has broken up with you because she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to justify being in a relationship, she’s not going to want to discuss the relationship in detail with you.
She doesn’t want to help you get her back.
She wants to close up, stay away from you and move on because she currently believes that you don’t have what it takes to re-attract her and reverse the break up.
When a guy doesn’t realize that he needs to get her respect back and start making her feel attracted again, he might hope that by discussing the relationship in detail, she will realize that he is serious and give him another chance.
Yet, as I mentioned, a woman will only do that if she still has an interest in making the relationship work.
If she’s over you, then she’s going to want to remain closed up, get away from you and move on.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t realize that and end up pushing their girlfriend further away.
For example: A guy might panic, bring up all his past mistakes in the relationship, promise to change and ask her to help him work things out with her.
He might say something like, “I still care about you and I want to make things right between us. I know I stuffed up, but with your help, I know that I can improve. I can be the man you want me to be. So, just start by telling me what you want me to change.”
He’s hoping she will be impressed that he is taking the break up so seriously and is committed to improving, so she will then give him another chance.
Yet, rather than make her think, “This is a good start! At least he’s open to becoming a better man and giving me what I want in a relationship,” she will be thinking things like, “He’s actually highlighting to me how badly things went wrong between us. The more he mentions his mistakes, the more I doubt if I can actually move past that and give him another chance. Right now, I think it’s probably better if we don’t see each other. Maybe in a few months when things settle down I might be open to seeing him again as a friend, but right now, I feel it would be better if we moved on. I just don’t feel the same way about him as I used to. He’s clearly still in love with me and wants to be with me, but the feelings aren’t mutual. I’ve got to go through with the break up, see other guys and assess how I feel.”
Those aren’t the kind of thoughts that you want your girlfriend to have, right?
If not, then get really clear on something right now.
Until you have fully re-sparked her feelings of respect and sexual attraction, you make sure that every interaction you have with her from now on is light-hearted and happy.
Don’t put pressure on her.
Just focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good while talking to you.
Of course that doesn’t mean you should act like a clown who doesn’t take things seriously.
Instead it simply means that you focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be interacting with you again, so she naturally begins to think, “He’s so confident and relaxed about all of this. Instead of feeling stressed out about talking to him again, I actually feel good. I’m looking forward to our interactions now, so things clearly are different. Maybe he really has changed and we should give it another time. Maybe I should meet up with him and see what happens.”
When you use humor to make your ex feel good about talking to you, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings about you.
She starts feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again and her guard comes down, making her more open to the idea of talking to you on the phone and seeing you in person.
So, remember: Leave the deep and meaningful, serious conversations for later.
For now, just use every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, social media, e-mail and especially on the phone and in person) to reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you by making her smile, laugh and feel good.
Another tip on how to make up with your girlfriend after a break up is to…
2. Make her want you back sexually and romantically, rather than trying to get her to commit to a relationship
If you pressure your girlfriend to get back into a relationship with you before you’ve reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction, you will almost certainly just scare her off.
Rather than getting her back, you will hear her say something along the lines of, “Sorry, but I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I need some space to sort things out in my mind first. Please don’t contact me anymore. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to discuss things with you again.”
She will then use the time apart to fully get over you, move on and possibly even find a replacement guy.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Rather than trying to convince her to commit to a relationship with you right away, use every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text or e-mail, on social media and especially over the phone and in person) to re-spark her feelings for you.
You can do that in many different ways.
For example: Some of those ways are…
- Using humor to break down her defenses and make her laugh, smile and feel happy and comfortable to be interacting with you.
- Maintaining your confidence around her (especially when she’s being cold or aloof, or doing things to make you feel nervous around her) and showing her that you are now an emotionally strong man who believes in his value to her.
- Showing her via your actions, behavior, communication style and the way you respond to what she says and does now, that you really have changed (e.g. you’re more emotionally independent, you no longer get flustered when she’s being highly emotional or uncooperative, you have become more emotionally mature, you have a definite purpose and direction in life now).
The more she sees for herself that you’ve changed and improved as a man, the more respect and attraction she will begin to feel.
She won’t be able to stop herself from feeling that way because attraction is a natural, automatic reaction that humans have to each other under the right conditions.
When you display traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, loving dominance, emotional maturity, humor), attraction happens automatically.
She may wonder why she is feeling attracted to you all of a sudden, but she won’t be able to resist it.
She will start to look at you as being a sexually attractive man once again and as a result, her feelings about you will begin to change in a positive way.
Then, the idea of getting back together again will start to feel natural to her, rather than feeling like it is being forced on her.
Another tip on how to make up with your girlfriend after a break up is to…
3. Be a better version of yourself
One of the quickest ways to make up with your girlfriend after a break up is by showing her that you’re no longer stuck at the same level you were at when you and her broke up.
What this means is that you’ve taken the time to understand where you went wrong in the relationship with her and have already started to make some attractive changes and improvements to yourself.
Essentially, you are now a much better version of yourself.
For example: If you were too submissive around her before (e.g. you allowed her to get away with being a drama queen and causing stress in the relationship, just to keep the peace), you are now more assertive and aren’t afraid to put her in her place (in a dominant, but loving way) when she’s out of line.
If you were too emotionally dependent before (e.g. you needed her approval and encouragement to take action in your life), you’ve now become emotionally independent and are happily moving forward and accomplishing your goals in life, even though she’s no longer there to give you her support.
If you were too jealous and insecure before, you’re now more confident and believe in your value to her.
Your belief in your value to her comes across in the way you talk, think, behave and react to the things she does that would previously have set you off (e.g. she talks to other guys, she’s cold and aloof towards you and saying things like, “I don’t love you anymore,” or “I don’t want you in my life. You need to accept that it’s over between us”).
You don’t have to be perfect to make up with your girlfriend after a break up, just better.
You also don’t have to tell her that you’ve changed.
Just let her experience it.
She will pick up on the changes and decide for herself that you have changed so much that she now feels completely differently about you and the relationship.
She now has hope for you and her and can open up and give the relationship another chance.
Another tip on how to make up with your girlfriend after a break up is…
4. Don’t wait too long to start the ex back process
Sometimes, after a break up, a guy might waste a lot of time contemplating how he can get her back, that by the time he finally contacts his ex, she’s already moved on and possibly even found herself another guy.
For example: A guy might think to himself, “I can’t just call her up right away and ask her if she wants to try again, because she will probably reject me. I don’t want to be too pushy and end up scaring her away. It’s probably best if I wait for a sign from her. I’m sure she’ll eventually text me or call me. When that happens, I’ll know she’s missing me, or at least thinking about me and I can then make my move.”
He might then sit around waiting for weeks and even months, hoping that his ex girlfriend will give him a call so that he can then start the ex back process.
Yet, that rarely, if ever happens.
Unless a woman is still deeply in love with her ex, or desperate because she can’t find a replacement guy, she won’t make all the moves to get him back.
Instead, she will assume that since he hasn’t been contacting her, he has moved on.
So, she will then focus on doing the same.
Immediately, or within days, she will be able to find a guy who likes her and wants to date her and have sex with her.
Soon enough, she will forget about her ex and get caught up in a new relationship.
So, if you want to make up with your girlfriend after a break up, don’t wait too long to do it.
Give her a few days of space (3 to 7 days is enough in most cases) if she asked for it, or if you feel it will help calm things down between you and her because the relationship ended badly.
After 3 to 7 days, get her on a phone call and break down her defenses by making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again.
Once she’s happy to be hearing from you, arrange a meet up, reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction and get her back.
Remember: If you snooze, you lose.
So, get her back before it’s too late.
4 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want to Make Up With Your Girlfriend After a Break Up
When you know how it’s done, getting an ex woman back is actually pretty easy.
However, if you don’t know what you should or shouldn’t be doing, you can easily make mistakes that will turn her off even more.
Here are some classic mistakes that other guys make in your situation…
1. Trying to fix things via text
Although it might sometimes feel easier to communicate with an ex via text (especially if she’s refusing to talk on the phone or meet up in person), it’s not the best way to make up with her and get her back.
Some of the main reasons include:
- She can ignore your texts. What do you do then?
- She can misinterpret your texts (e.g. a guy might say something simple like, “I just wanted to say hi.” If one of the main reasons why she broke up with him was because he was too needy, she will likely misinterpret his text as meaning that he is constantly thinking about her and missing her, even though that may not be true).
- She can’t see your body language or hear the tonality of your voice, so she will usually judge everything you text based on her feelings for you during the break up (e.g. anger, disappointment, resentment).
- She can pretend to be working things out with you, while at the same time, she can also be totally focused on finding a replacement guy.
- A bunch of words on a phone usually can’t generate enough respect and attraction in a woman to make her want to get back together again.
Even though your ex girlfriend may be open to communicating with you via text, to get her back for real, you have to get to the point where you and her are talking in person.
Only then can she truly get a clear picture of who you are now and see that you really have changed and improved.
When she recognizes that you really have changed, she will naturally start to have feelings for you again.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Not fixing the things that were really turning her off
If you try to make up with your girlfriend by offering her things she doesn’t really want, she will just keep saying, “No” to you and continue to move on without you.
For example: If one of the reasons why a woman broke up with a guy was his lack of support and encouragement of her as a person (e.g. he was too negative, critical or he squashed her dreams or ambitions), then him promising to work less hours and spend more time with her isn’t going to change her mind.
It might seem like him doing that will make her think, “Wow! He cares so much that he wants to spend even more time with me,” but it won’t.
Instead, she will think something like, “I am turned off by who he became in the relationship. Why on Earth would I agree to a change that means spending even more time with him?”
He might feel like she is being stubborn, selfish or unfair, but she’s just reacting to how his approach to her is making her feel.
If he wants her back, he has to be offering her things that actually make her feel different, rather than just coming up with whatever he can think of and hoping that she gives him another chance for that.
Here’s another example…
If a guy got dumped for lacking direction and purpose in life, him rushing to buy her a diamond ring and propose isn’t going to be what she is looking for.
So, rather than make her change her mind and give him another chance, it just turns her off even more.
It makes her look at him as a confused guy who thinks that focusing on her and making her the most important thing in his life will impress her.
She can see that he doesn’t understand what women really want (i.e. a man who loves her and wants to be with her, but is also following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life).
So, if you want to make up with your girlfriend after a break up, make sure that you first understand her real reasons for breaking up with you and also understand exactly what you are going to say and do to make her feel differently about you.
Then, when you next interact with her, give her the attraction experience she really wants (e.g. she wants you to be much more confident around her), rather than offering to fix things that aren’t important to her.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Apologizing over and over again
There’s nothing wrong with briefly giving your girlfriend a warm, heart-felt apology.
However, saying that you are sorry over and over again will just push her away.
Excessive apologizing doesn’t get to the core of the problems.
Until she can experience the new him for herself, she simply assumes that nothing has changed and she sees his constant apologizing as a way of avoiding the deeper issues at hand.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Making the reconciliation process feel stressful to her
If you keep pushing her to get back together again before you fully re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she’s going to feel annoyed and stressed out.
As a result, she will look for excuses to avoid you (e.g. asking for a few weeks or months of space, pretending she has a lot of work or studies to get through and that she’ll consider getting back together with you in future).
Then, while you’re waiting for her to come back to you, she will focus on moving on and finding another guy.
Don’t put yourself in that situation by stressing her out with lots of pressure to get back with you.
Instead, understand that making up with your girlfriend can be fun.
The more laughter and smiling she experiences when she interacts with you, the more she will reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, getting back together again happens easily and naturally.
Getting back together becomes something enjoyable, fulfilling and unforgettable that you and her experience with each other.
Both of you get to enjoy it and as a result, the relationship suddenly starts feeling like it really can work and is something that both of you want to hold on to.
That’s how to make up with your girlfriend after a break up.